this guy gonna die lol

eventually this guy is going to accidentally kill himself....he's funny....but to do all this for laughs isn't worth it.....I guess he must be making bank off his YT channel for why he keeps putting himself at risk like this....but this is more low key dangerous compared to his other videos....

this new fad to do crazy shit for views and sub's for money is just not worth it to me....but obviously it is to kids and adults that make bank off YT....there's a kid that's under 10 years old that is a millionaire or rather his parents are....cos of his YT channel....so there's that I guess....for motivation to exploit your kids and do crazy shit and exploit peeps that you don't know....

guys that I have a crush on right now

who do I crush on? yeah pretty immature...but I'm single so whatever....

met David Tennant a year or so ago at Comic Con.....love him...we hit it off immediately....gosh what a charmer....loved that he quickly understood me. I think he's an INFJ or ENFP, but he is definitely Intuitive 

Keanu Reeves...pretty certain he's an Intuitive type....he is either an INTP...INFJ....he's adorable...super smart...can think on his feet very quickly......and he's a giver....and he doesn't show-boat...he seems very down-to-earth and doesn't need or want glory/attention for his giving or good deeds

Arthur Darvill....also met him at Comic Con.....wows we had chemistry...still amazes me...I thought he was gay....turns out he is definitely not gay...lol.....he is a charmer....had me hypnotized with his large green eyes.... He is an Intuitive type as well....trying to figure him out....I think he might be an INTP....maybe INTJ.......he would probably be amazing at kissing and sex....

I will always have a crush on Brandon Lee....beautiful man that was meant to be a huge action star 

Matthew Gray Gubler....he might be an Enneagram type 5....he can be weird which is what I love about him.....he is highly creative and funny and different...he doesn't post the same mundane crap as everyone else.....he posts random weird stuff and I love him for it....lol....barely watched the murder show he was in....don't know if it's still on or not...I can't remember what it's called...anyway, I guess that makes me a shitty fan....but I view everything he posts and usually "like" it and don't bother posting a comment most of the time cos he has thousands of girl fans.....thousands and they're all stupid and use his odd drawings for tattoos for attention....not sure what they'll do in 20 years with the tattoo still on their body.....I adore him though....

I've always had a huge crush on Kevin Sorbo....I'd watch anything he was in back in the 90's and early 2000's.....what a beautiful Norwegian man.......ENTP.....soooooo highly perceptive and spiritual.....I bet he's amazing at kissing and sex.....

yowza !!!!! that is one fine Viking ! I'd be happy to let him pillage my home...hahaha. 

Michael Rosenbaum.....I actually do like him a lot...I can actually see us clicking....actually I'm certain we would and certain we'd have chemistry, too. I think he's an ENFP.....he is probably also an Enneagram Type 4w5....and cos of the Enneagram Type 4....would be hard to move things into a direction of having a relationship with him....he's too afraid of losing his individuality and freedom to do what he wants with whom.....I think he has some intimacy issues/commitment issues......but I think he wants to work on that maybe......I like him regardless....we'd click and it would probably be amazing....and he'd probably get me to be more social and I could help him feel more grounded and feel less anxiety just by being consistently stable/there for him, cooking for him and listening to him when he needs to vent.....I can tell he needs someone he can trust to vent to and get things off his chest.....I can tell he had a hard time letting words that people say go.....I would be a good girlfriend to him for that with my personality to balance his.....who knows.....ya never know. 

I guess that's it for now.....

enneagram type 5...me

my understanding of my personality type, Enneagram Type 5....

starting off with the good:

observant, intelligent, love knowledge, perceptive, able to analyze and figure things out quickly, smart, focused, become very skilled on whatever I focus on....I'm able to figure people out quickly. I'm able to focus and listen and learn things in classroom setting or trainings for a job.....tend to focus intensely......I can be silly....I am deep...doesn't mean I'm not capable of chit-chat...it's just exhausting to do on a daily basis as well as boring....I don't find the need to talk to co-workers daily....don't see a need to talk to others that are acquaintances on a daily basis either...I wish guys that I dated understood that about me instead of thinking I'm going to cheat just cos I'm cute.....my appearance and his experiences with women that look sort of like me or are similar to me in whatever it is that is similar does not mean that I'm going to cheat like they did....that is not me...I don't cheat...it's not in my code...plus I don't care to find another person to talk to that much to waste my time and energy when I've already poured it into the guy I'm with....wish guys understood that and would relax and chill instead of becoming insecure and controlling and worried......annoying....

downside: weird, anxious around groups of people, get overwhelmed with bosses that are bullies and become hyper when stressed out, start getting sick with asthma and upper respiratory when stressed, become isolative and withdrawn when overwhelmed and stressed out, become depressed and have a hard time thinking logically for a strategy to overcome my situation.....if I stop talking it's not cos I'm angry and if I'm angry it's not at the person that I'm dating it's more than likely cos of my situation and job.....so if I'm not texting daily or calling...it's cos I'm probably depressed and overwhelmed and have to save my energy for work.....wish people understood that and didn't take it personal like I'm avoiding them or being an asshole....or whatever is in their head.....I am capable of accommodating and texting back...it's just if I'm overwhelmed it's not going to be as often especially if the relationship isn't serious....so the reputation of being "stingy" of my time or whatever...it's not true....I'm a total giver...but I do become isolative when overwhelmed....and I only stay like that for a day....I try to be cheerful the next day and not let it get to me.....it just depends on the situation...if I have a bully boss....it's hard to be happy when I have a shitty job and worried about bills.....hopefully that makes sense....

also downside.....when overwhelmed and isolative it's really hard to get me to come out of my cave and socialize or do stuff, especially if I don't know a person and don't trust them....if I know them or trust them...it's a bit easier to get me to come out and do stuff and to talk.....

I'm not the type to be clingy.....

I was taught to be respectful and not to impose. So, I'm not the type to initiate a conversation at times, text, call or initiate a date, etc. -Sometimes I'll take the initiative to comment or message someone cos it's easier since it's the internet.....I very rarely text someone that is an acquaintance....most of the peeps that I associate with are on social media so really no point in texting or talking to them. I do have a friend that sends me DM's almost daily that is an ESTP......he is a former co-worker and he'll send me DM's with pics of random stuff and short messages....he's ok....he used to send me DM's constantly, but when I was working at my most recent job....it took over and I rarely had time to respond or DM back during the day and only sent him DM's at night....he used to send me DM's even on holidays.....but now if it's been days that I don't hear from him....I'm ok with it...doesn't really bother me since we are just friends.....probably more like acquaintances.

guys seem to like my personality more than women.....

I tend to troll guys that send me DM's about how "beautiful" or "cute" my pictures are.....if they talk about my tits I block them immediately......I hate getting dick pics.....why on earth do guys think that works on a woman??? men are visual....women are more emotional....not going to deny that women aren't superficial on appearance, too....but I've had hot guys wanting to date me and if they were shallow or put me down...I didn't put up with that and ghosted them pretty quickly.

Being an Enneagram Type 5 isn't cool.....we are smart people...but also at times looked at as being weird......an example is Nicholas Cage....I can tell he's one from his approach to acting....he over-spends on his money....but I think it's cos he doesn't think things through when stressed and he probably had a really bad accountant and manager that either took advantage of him or didn't tell him that he was over-spending and broke. The character, Edward Scissorhands is also another example of an Enneagram type 5.

so, if I'm in a relationship with a guy that doesn't understand me.....and needs to be texted daily or call me daily.....I don't mind talking to him and texting him.....and I don't mind seeing him daily and spending a lot of time together.....it's just in the initial dating....I don't tend to initiate......

and now some memes that I think represents me as an Enneagram type 5

things I understand about Enneagram types

I know bits about Enneagram Types....I know mine very well. I'll try to explain a few of the Enneagram Types so that you can understand them and understand these types of personalities better

Enneagram Type 1: these types......they are the ones that are perfectionists and want everyone to follow every law....they love cops and that's it. I've seen a lot of ISTJ's that are Enneagram Type 1's....

Enneagram Type 2: don't know a lot about that one

Enneagram Type 3: they are all about performance and showing you their peacock. They care about looking important and mingling with those who are important. Perfect example that comes to my mind is Chris Pratt....he married a movie star/action star's daughter who also happens to have family/connections to the powerful Kennedy family. He didn't marry another actor.....he didn't marry someone that is unknown.....he was strategic and cares about how he is perceived by people. They have great social skills.

Enneagram Type 4's.....they have a lot of anxiety. They are super worried about losing their individuality so, because of that....they are often not the sorts to want to be in a relationship, because they fear the person might change them too much or take away their individuality....they are worried they won't be able to continue to have the life that they have and do what they want and hang out with whoever they want.......

Enneagram Type 5's.....we are seen as weird. I'll explain what it's like for me. I tend to stay in my head a lot. I think a lot. I love nature. Since time I was little....was always outside watching bugs or animals....used to catch butterflies and put them in my dollhouse instead of dolls....would catch fireflies/lightening bugs and put them in a jar and stare at them and sleep outside in my dad's pick up truck by myself......when I learn something....I'm super focused and observe and listen to everything and remember and memorize everything I hear.....so I hate that part, because I don't want to memorize everything and remember everything....so I will ignore and go into my head and then come out to hear the important stuff and memorize it.....and pop out again mentally when someone is back to talking about mundane boring stuff that is trivial. I'm very analytical. As a kid I liked seeing the inside of my watch to see how it worked...and I guess I do the same thing with dissecting a person and understanding them quickly inside and out....but I can only do that if they don't have power over me.....if they have power over me it's harder for me to see them and understand them. When I'm anxious I appear hyper and probably weird....and fidget. have always been fascinated with the stars and planets and even worked at a planetarium. I love sci-fi and horror....I hate drama and chick flicks. I get told by every single guy that I date that I'm "different" and either that makes them more obsessed with me or "I give up cos I can't figure her out and it's easier to go with a typical girl".....On the plus side.....I'm amazing at sex cos of all this.

Enneagram 6's like to gossip and tend to hang in groups of people like Taylor Swift. I don't like them.

Enneagram 7's are scary and only care about the current moment, thrill seeking and don't want to hear or think about deep stuff or sad stuff unless it's about them.

Enneagram 8's.....don't know

Enneagram 9's......they literally view the world with pink glasses. I have a friend that is an INFJ and a guy....very rare for a guy to be an INFJ.....and cos I'm an INFJ....I've attracted a bunch of them and oddly enough they all have had crushes on me at some point and have told me, except for this guy.....this guy is an INFJ yet so fucking naive. We had a talk once about his ex' and he doesn't have a problem with his ex, who cheated on him and left him......his reaction to the whole thing was just surprising to me cos well as an INFJ.....we hate betrayal....so can't believe it didn't phase him. Anyway, 9's are go with the flow and tend to want peace at any means.....even if it means looking the other way while someone is a cheating dick-head like his ex-wife.

that's it. thanks.

job and stuff

so I posted a question wanting advise from a forum for INFJ's since that's my personality type and other Intuitive types responded. One encouraged me.....ENFP.....but another introvert, an INTP basically commented with venting about going through the same thing.

I'm just going to say it....

we live in such a fucked up world that at times it can be maddening.

the job I had was a corporate job....I had a boss that quickly climbed the ladder and then she was re-assigned to another department.....she was absolutely awful...but someone worse then her was put in place to manage my team....most of my team transferred out or flat out left. So, that should paint a picture.

anyway, I got along with the Dr's....they liked me....a couple of them flirted with me.....yes that boosted my self-esteem a bit and was nice to have the flattery.....

but then my self-esteem would crash back down as I got bullied by my boss.

my boss was a woman in her 40's...wanting to be young and not young....never married...no pets....and clingy to her mom and sister.....that should paint the picture to help you see how fucked she is....and then she climbed the ladder quickly and is a manager and in two months time she fired me.....she used me for a full day and then fired me on the day prior to July 4th holiday to make sure I wouldn't get the holiday pay or even the end of the week....

I had one manager that was psycho at another job that had been a director at a non-profit where I had previously worked at.....she knew my name but not me, because I worked at a large clinic in another town...and she worked at the headquarters located in a more well known town. Anyway, she was fired, because she fucked the Assistant Director and fucked his marriage as well as hers.....they fired her....let him stay....he wined about having to work and do his job under a new director and then quit soon after. -So, this lady was let go from that job.....then climbs the ladder quickly at a corporate job and realizes in the interview that I came from the nonprofit where she was terminated.....she spent over an hour of my time in the actual interview.....talking about how she and the guy she had an extramarital affair with....her Assistant Director......how no one knew and how they kept it quiet and how one employee at the company (who worked at the headquarters with the both of them) saw them at one of the major malls holding hands and how they had to let go quickly......this same lady after hiring me as a "temp" and not even giving me an actual job.....kept telling me to "change (my) personality" -and then her assistant director started saying the same thing to me when they'd meet with me.....then they gave me this shitty grave shift position where they couldn't keep anyone with working with these ladies at night and I got bullied even more.....and I informed them that I no longer wanted to do over-nights (it was abusive and one of the older women would just fart constantly and aim it right at my cubicle beside hers and it felt deliberate)....I got a fan since we weren't allowed to have candles or incense or anything that smelled good to help with horrible smells. Anyway, the lady fired me.......

I hate that Introverts.....especially those of us that are Intuitive and can figure people out quickly and are smart and hard working are bullied and abused by jobs and not appreciated.

the job that I just had.....again with the lady that was never married and doesn't have pets and clingy to her mom and sister.....she was so cut-throat and not above lying and so manipulative that it amazed me.

I don't have that "skill"....I don't know how to be cut-throat and manipulate.....I have a hard time lying, too.....as soon as someone asks me a question I feel compelled to answer it and hate myself for it, because I wish instead I could just say, "it's none of your business." -so, I'm working on that....I am not answering people's questions any more

cos really....why do they need to know where I work, what I do, and other things? -it's to size me up and judge me and compare....and if I'm doing better than they are.....they hate me for it....how dare I be better than they are at something....

the types of people that corporate jobs and well even jobs that aren't corporate are hiring people that are cut-throat and bullying types to be managers.....funny how these same people hate Trump.....could it be that they hate him, because they are similar to him? The ones that rant most strongly about him (and no, I am not defending him...I voted for Gary Johnson)....are the ones that are the craziest and unstable....and are bullies.

do I feel sorry for bullies. sure...they obviously must had had fucked lives to become who they are.....HOWEVER.....to be a bully as an adult and not grow out of it is a choice..........they choose to be cut-throat and hurt others before anyone can hurt them.....it's a vicious and horrible defense mechanism and they prey on people and only function on frontal lobe......no true ability to have empathy.....these people are usually sociopaths......they don't care about anyone but will be enraged if someone dares to stand up to them.

hate to do this....but quite often these personality types are ESFJ's and ESTJ's that rise to becoming managers and bullies......

that's it. thanks

another blog

so I had that one blog that was being read by a ton of peeps and I closed it down cos I feared ex's and jobs would find it...and having privacy from bad ex's and getting a job was more important than keeping a blog that was read by a ton...

that's it.

thanks.