unfriended by a college friend

so, this dude that I went to college with and was pretty good friends with him back in the day.....

well, dude is married and has a step daughter. -you wouldn't know he's married cos he never posts pics of his lady......or of them together.....but sure does post pics of the teenaged step daughter....

anyway, he "liked" a bunch of my pics on Instagram....and then messaged me and told me that I'm a "hottie"

I did the friend-zone reply that most chicks do....."awwwww thank you so much" -followed by emoji of a smile and heart. -made sure it wasn't not a kiss or anything romantic....just girly and that's it for the emoji's.

so, I'm obviously single....

and in college....a lot of people found out that I grew up in the system, because I got asked the question all the time about my parents....and had to tell them that I didn't have parents and explain where I was living and how I "aged out of the system" and was on my own at 18 and just trying to get a college degree so that I can have a shot at surviving in the world by myself.....

anyway, what upsets me about people knowing how I grew up is that they'll say something mean like that I'm "crazy".....and put-downs to manipulate and make me feel bad....I already feel bad.....I have never felt "great"......lol....I try to be happy.....but deep down...I wish I didn't exist....but I don't let it affect my job and work hard....and I don't talk about it....I just keep moving....

I went through an incredible amount of rejection when I was a kid after my dad died.....no one but Jesus understands the level of rejection and pain that I went through and still go through all cos I have no family.....all cos I look different and my personality is different.....so yeah...it's tough...

and I wasted my "good years" of youth on asshole guys that just used me and didn't love me.....didn't feel anyone would ever love me so I just tolerated it cos I guess some love was better than none at the time.....pretty dumb when I think back on my choices when it came to men....

anyway, this guy was doing some kind of job training in the po-dunk town that I moved to and said he wanted to see me cos we haven't seen each other since college. -Reunions are sometimes great....I've reunited with a few high school or college friends over the years.....

but this guy wanted me to come to his hotel room.....and he's married....and I said...."no".....so then he tried to guilt trip me and told me that he bought a playstation so that we could play games in his room.......then calls me crazy......then says how he cares about me.

so, gloves came off......when he called me crazy and said he cared about me.....I trolled his ass...

I told him that he's always been a caring guy and that's probably why his wife married him. -zing !

then he came back hours later after obviously reading and thinking about what to say in reply and said it wasn't cos of his looks/appearance.....obviously fishing for a compliment.

so I said, "haha yeah"......in other words....."dude I don't give a shit. go away"....

so then next day after he read my reply and had a day to think about it....he was all, "oh wait you don't think I had ulterior motives in wanting you to come to my hotel room"....hahahaha

so I took snapshots of when he said I was a "hottie" from my IG and sent it to him and so then he was making excuses and how other guys 99% are probably going to have motives and he's not like that.....and again calling me crazy....

so I told him that I'd rather be me....than a thirsty guy looking for an opportunity to cheat......and he gave me this thumbs up in reply and then deleted/unfriended me.....lol....but only on FB.....not on the instagram. -so I made sure to unfriend him and block him....

what a creep.

and ya know.....totally do not care that he unfriended me....cos I don't need "friends" like that....

and I may be single and grew up in the system....but I'm not desperate and not going to let guys prey on me and use me.....that guy is a predator......trust me.

and I won't post his name and shame him.....I think that is between him and God at this point....

but I def posted a little thing about it on my FB in a way to let peeps know that I'm no push over and not interested in "hooking up"....didn't give it away that it was him....too many peeps know him and I'm not out to shame him and make people stop being his friend.....but his messages gave me vibes like he's a predator and a rapist or wanted to be......not like just, "hey I haven't gotten sex from my wife in a month and I'm thirsty"......no quite different from that....he gave me creep vibes....

and whatever.....

I'm not crazy. I put myself through college...paid off my student loans working 3 jobs. I put myself through grad school working full-time.....I double majored in college and in grad school. I'm not dumb.

so, if someone wants to think I'm crazy cos I'm different.....cos I grew up in a non-traditional way.....with not having a family at all and being alone with revolving adults and social workers in and out of my life each year......whatever...it's not my fault.....and yes....the way I was treated did affect me.....doesn't make mean I'm crazy though....

that's it.

thanks xxx

this planet sucks

not sure what to title this.....so whatever....

so, I took this corporate job and the boss is toxic and an asshole........

good news is I do have a work buddy and we vent to each other or just chit chat on DM while working.....he's from Ohio....and I'm from Michigan.....so we mid-western peeps clicked....he's a good friend to me so far....

he did point out that I'm sweet....which it's been pointed out all my life....that I'm sweet....

and my office buddy...he said, "your boss is a bad boss....he's a bully."

and this happens a lot...

and I want to cry....and I'm trying to stay strong....

you know.....when my Dad died when I was in the 8th grade.....I had no idea that I'd be put out into such a mean, cruel, manipulative world.

and I honestly don't know what to do when someone is cut-throat, manipulative and a bully. I don't know what to do....

growing up in the harsh way that I did.....in well a worse level than foster care....it was a facility.....

anyway, it's hard to keep surviving in such a mean world.....

I'm a Christian......but it's really hard. I feel like God has abandoned me like Job.....like Jonah.....gosh He was pretty harsh on a lot of the important prophets and figures in the OT when you think about it......but I know Jesus went through a ton more rejection than I have.....hard to believe it when I think about it.....but Jesus definitely surpasses me on the amount of rejection that he's had and still gets...so he can relate to how I feel deep down.....but sometimes I worry that he is playing favorites and has forgotten me and cast me out like trash like everyone else.......

and yeah I'm alone and no one gets it....I have no family.....and I'm single.....and I'm single....because well I haven't met anyone yet....and I also haven't really been looking......

a relationship would be nice cos I do miss having sex and kissing....and cuddling and having a guy to just make me laugh and for me to make him laugh and be my friend on top of being my guy.....but I don't want to deal with that he will probably reject me like the rest of the world......so I know that's partly cos of my "foster care brain".....

but I also know there's a lot of guys that often are looking past my shoulder for something better......like I'll never be pretty enough for him....and I don't want to deal with that...

or maybe the guys' family doesn't accept me....

or maybe the guy feels his friends are his life and wants to hang with them daily....and that's cool....most of the time when thrown in that situation the guys' friends usually end up really liking me and clicking with me.....the female friends usually never like me and usually don't accept me though.....

but the pressure to be accepted by not just the guy....but also his family and his friends when he doesn't have to go through all those checks with me.....it's just me......no family or close friends to have to accept him or reject him.....he doesn't have that pressure or worry.....

so I don't know....

I'm tired of working hard and getting bullied though.....

I don't know what to do.....HR doesn't care....

and I don't know......I wish people didn't pick on me. I've had a hard life....they don't know this and even if they did.....they probably wouldn't care cos a bully has a darkened heart that only cares for themselves....

wish I had a guy to feel protected and had my back....it's super tough existing in this cold mean world.....I hate it....this planet sucks.

lol this dipshit

so this guy followed me....and he started slamming me with DM's and then he asked me if my pic was filtered. I guess I could had taken that as a compliment? Anyway, he's a jerk....I decided to troll him after he kept slamming me with DM's and asking if my pic was filtered. lol

so I started with googling "overweight men that are bald" -which is funny cos that guy is middle aged and bald.....but I decided to go "black" since I'm from Detroit....just fit the situation...lol....found this pic of this dude....lol....looks like I could had taken this in my home.....lol 

as of last night he had not unfollowed and blocked me. But then I posted a pic and tweeted about that I think Eric Bana is hot (cos I'm watching a movie that has him in it).....and poof.....guy unfollowed and blocked. 

all I can say is......dude got salty fast. lol.....literally followed me and next day slamming my DM's daily with crap....and I guess he was expecting that I'd want a relationship or something? lol....

expectations are stupid if you've never met someone.....can't get jealous if you haven't actually had a date or met them in person. just dumb....and he was def not my type....he's pretty dumb. 

-oh yeah....I was tweeting publicly to my friend Andy last night and we were kinda flirting and laughing in DM's...maybe the vibe was evident? -maybe that made him jealous? -the flirting is harmless....my buddy is engaged and we are just friends....nothing more.....we worked together a couple years ago....and been friends since.....we both have dark humor and like to send each other offensive memes.....lol....I started it....I had a feeling he'd be into it....he's fantastic. -but again....we are just friends....and that's all it will ever be....he's not interested in me....and I'm not interested in him and I'd rather keep him as a friend since I don't have many real genuine friends....

that's it. lol. thanks....and Eric Bana is hot by the way......damn that is a pretty man.