dark types

 This is not about dark humor...I like dark humor...it's funny...

This is not about dark as in villains that are fun like Darth Vader..

This is about people that are dark soul...dark in how they treat others....dark in that they literally take pleasure in being mean and being a bully...

some professional diagnoses that fall into dark evil types are:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder....

Narcissitic Personality Disorder is definitely one to watch out for....they are vein in certain ways but yet also highly insecure....

the basic definition from the web on Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

Antisocial Personality Disorder is the type of people that also lack empathy similar to Narcissist. However, with Antisocial Personality Disorder..it's not about avoiding people and being introverted the way people use this as slang.....Antisocial Personality Disorder is the type of person that could commit and murder and not feel remorse or care....usually they start off as kids with experimenting on tormenting and killing animals....Basically this is what people call a sociopath...

the basic web definition of Antisocial Personality Disorder: 

Antisocial personality disorder, sometimes called sociopathy, is a mental disorder in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others.

Now...there's. thing called "the Dark Triad" definition from the web: 

In psychology, the dark triad comprises the personality traits of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. They are called dark because of their malevolent qualities. 

If this sounds familiar....you've probably had toxic bosses and relationships like I have...

and what I try to remind myself is that it's not my fault....I was targeted by these manipulative d-bags...they are the ones at fault. 

TOXIC BOSSES...you can't change them....being nice, working hard won't stop their behaviors or change them....Dark Triad types of taking pleasure in pitting people against each other, playing favorites and bullying.....and then suck up and manipulate their director/boss to keep their job safe and secure as they abuse you...

Some tactic that I've tried when having Dark Triad bosses:

1. Document and use the evidence to report them to Human Resources. -this does not work...back before 2006 this would had been a great option....but post 2006 HR is the guard dog for toxic managers and protect them....

2. Document and report them to the EEOC....this also did not work for me...I was told that most lawyers won't touch a case unless there's certain things entailed. The case that I brought to them was a boss that I had that was sexually harassing me and encouraging the women that I work with to bully and exclude me...and he gossiped about me with them to further divide us....I reported him to the Director, HR and EEOC....and they kept the manager for 2 weeks after telling him that they were going to have to terminate hime (I had some strong evidence that they couldn't refute and could not continue to protect him)....He was still protected in how he was let go by the Director....people saw that he was still there at work....the bullying by my coworkers escalated and I was getting cards left in my work mailbox and called names....and the women that bullied me tried to find stuff to use against me to get rid of me to keep him.....didn't work....Anyway, I was told by HR that I would need to either transfer to another clinic and department or leave the agency all together. EEOC did nothing to help. me. The girl that worked in HR wanted to help me....she was also sexually harassed by my boss...but not to the extent that I was...and she didn't get bullied. I ended up gaining more weight than I wanted, getting depressed and feeling hopeless about getting a decent job and making enough money to pay my rent and bills. 

3. Write a strong resume, use the language terms you see for skills and job description in your cover letter and resume for the job that you are wanting and quit the toxic job and look for another job....in my case...sometimes transferring or leaving a company all together has been better....or it has been worse....going to a worse job out of desperation to leave a toxic boss put me with another job with a bad reputation and another toxic boss. 

RELATIONSHIPS:

This is me and my ex-boyfriend....he's only 5'9" and around 150 to 160 pounds....so I made him look bigger than he is when standing next to him....lol....he was not a big man by any means....but bigger than me obviously.....this is obviously prior to that toxic job that I mentioned above. So, this guy was in and out of my life for over 7 years....he charmed me and wooed me to date him....at the time I was dating another guy...but was not in a relationship with that guy....but was considering it....the guy had told me that I would never get him to open up emotionally and so I felt it best to move on and stopped dating that guy despite how attractive he was and that he had a decent job.....and started dating this guy Lee.....Lee lived next door to me at my apartment complex....he started off nice and seemed normal....then out of now where he broke it off with me. I began dating other guys and tried to move on....but he decided he wanted me back.....so he'd charm and snake his way back into my life....then he gradually started becoming abusive. I had my window open and heard him outside and said hello to him....and he walked up and grabbed my throat and told me not to talk to him today....and then let me go and walked away. My throat hurt and I was terrified....and I called the police....he went to jail for a night and got a public defender and told the lawyer his story of how he was a Captain in the Army and went to a prestigious military school...and he was released and the charge was pled down to a simple misdemeanor....no court fees or probation. I moved away and tried to start over at a new apartment complex. But then he showed up at my church....and he showed up at the Starbucks that I regularly went to drink coffee and study for my graduate school classes. I saw him...I didn't say anything.....so he started calling and calling and calling....telling me that he loved me and was sorry. I was stupid and took him back. Then he put me down steadily....he put down my musical skills and refused to allow me to practice my music pieces for my music classes and he put down everything about me....I felt completely worthless and ugly. The confidence that I had with moving on and dating other guys the year previously was gone....he was very controlling and manipulative. He would be charming at times...and we would watch movies on my DVD player and talk and laugh...and I would cook meals for him and try hard to please him....and he would steal my money...and steal my things....and then would become so verbally abusive that I would break it off with him and tell him to stay out of my life,....He'd tell me sorry and that he loved me....just words....no behavior...he didn't offer anything....he only paid for 2 dates when we went out for the entire 7 years that we dated....and he ended up beating my face so badly and choking me so badly that this time it was not a simple brush with the law and getting out in a few days like the previous choking he did with one hand...this time there was marks on my throat from how hard he was chocking me...and he sat on me and used his legs to pin me down so that I couldn't move, escape or defend myself....he almost killed me....he is not only military trained for combat....he is also a former state tai quan dao champion....I didn't stand a change. Long story short.....I missed out on some great guys cos I stayed loyal to that creep....and I had to literally move away to another county and change my phone number, church, habits, and everything to get away from him. I have not seen him since 2014....the funny part....he told me that I was his wife and his...even though were were not married and my apartment was mine...I was on the lease...I paid the bills...not him...he never paid a dime and ate up all my food when he'd stay the night...and it was hard to get him to leave...he'd want to stay for a week or 2 weeks and longer....and I wanted to have my apartment to myself and feel safe....but he wouldn't let that happen....so I had to physically move and get away to completely sever ties to him. The toxic job where I was sexually harassed by the boss above....lol...that was the job that I took to move and get away from this abusive boyfriend,...lol....so literally from the frying pan into the fire.....

So what I learned about the abusive toxic relationship that I had....was that you can't fix someone...and you can't make a bad person good...it's like buying a clunker car and ignoring the black exhaust that follows you everywhere you go....lol....all the noises and sounds that it needs more than new belts and a tune up shouldn't be ignored.....

I found that I gave Lee too much mercy and grace and forgave him too much....a lot due to religious beliefs and a lot out of hoping he had changed and meant it when he said he loved me....lol....I ignored it when he put me down....I tolerated it.....and I'd shut down and stop talking....and he would put me down for withdrawing.....he'd put me down for everything.....he tried to sabotage my graduate school education....I learned to not ignore and tolerate red flags...if a guy puts me down..it's not cos he's joking...he's doing it to tear me down as a way to control and oppress me. it's easier to control someone if they feel like shit and beat down mentally than to control them while their self esteem is intact. 

and I learned that just cos someone has things in common with you, likes a lot of the same things such as movies, music, etc....doesn't mean they're a good match....I felt Lee was a good match cos he has an ENFP personality type....I have an INTJ personality type....and he was attractive and reminded me a bit of my dad....we liked similar geeky things...he wore that superman shirt cos he knows I liked superman and batman (batman more)....

anyway....the desire to be loved...and wanting to please the person to make them happy....it's strong...it blocks you from truly seeing how bad a person is and how bad of a match they are for you.....don't ignore all the signs that are obvious and the signs that may not be so obvious.....little things that stay in your head that make you pause and think....those are signs that you need to leave. -and if you have any friends and family that try to warn you...cos they don't want you to be with that toxic person....don't ignore them...listen. -some friends aren't always the best source...they want you to stay single and miserable with them.....but the friends that truly care and don't want to see you mistreated and tell you that you can do better than the d-bag that you're with....listen to that advice!!! and RUN !!!!

a case of the mask

 So, recently I had to go see my ophthalmologist. I was driving to see him...his clinic is out of town...it took about 45 minutes to get there...

I was 10 minutes from the clinic when I get a call from the clinic...I thought they were cancelling my appointment but it was to tell me that the doctor's office wants all the fees for upcoming surgery up front and that it would be $800 due to he is out of network...I corrected them and informed them he is in network with my insurance....so that knocked it down to $630 for his fees to do this surgery. I have to wear a mask and I complied...

I had to do a bunch of eye tests in prep for the exam...one was with water that they put in each eye to measure....the water got all over my mask and went straight down my shirt....the tech didn't apologize...she just left to chit chat with another tech...they looked alike...both hispanic, short and same build...

so I made my way out of that room back to the lobby where this lady that processes the payments didn't give me eye contact and stared at her computer screen and in a hateful tone told me that I would have to pay $4000 up front now for a lens for one of my eyes.....I handed her my debit card....I was confident in having the money because I cashed out some of my 401k for all of this.....she toss the receipt in the trash and hands my card back to me and tells me that the bank rejected the payment and said it was fraud and then smiled at the guy behind me and told him to come to her window....I took that as my sign to move out of the way.....so I moved to the side and I called my bank....and my mask was wet....and I took part of it off to talk to the bank....an elderly man wearing shorts and a blue shirt got up from his chair and stood up staring at me with his hand on his hip...I ignored him. I saw an elderly guy in the lobby take his mask off completely to read his newspaper as he was waiting....and saw an elderly asian Indian couple that had their mask under their noses....the lady had hers flopping out and I could see her mouth....

I sat down as I waited to get a human to talk to at the bank after saying the stuff needed for the prompts...

I finally get a human and told her that my debit card was rejected and she immediately saw it....and was talking to me when all of a sudden a lady that works at the clinic stood over me and was yelling at me to wear a mask and she was waving one in my face and said "put this on now!" and I told her politely that I was trying to talk to my bank to pay my fee and would be leaving....that wasn't good enough for her....she told me to "leave the building and exist the premises immediately" and as she continued standing over me and escalating with yelling....I had a severe panic attack and flash back of foster parents that did this same thing to me and verbally abusing me when I was growing up....

the lady on the phone with the bank asked me to try to run my card again as she had cleared it...and I'm trying to hear her and meanwhile getting screamed at by this lady that works at the eye clinic....

I look at the rude cold lady at the window that takes the payments and she was still chit chatting with the guy that was behind me....and now there was a long line and no social distancing....he finally left...and I couldn't get up to try to make the payment as that lady was blocking me and still hovering over me...I started crying.....and continued to have a panic attack...

I had my debit card out and another staff lady from the clinic snatched it from my hand and handed it to a patient that was at the window to hand to the lady behind the window that was processing the payments....and then another patient...a female looked at me and rolled her eyes...she was probably in her 50's or 60's....anyway, she took the receipt from the rude cold lady from behind the counter and handed it to the staff lady that had snatched my card to hand to me and then same process to hand my debit card back to me....

all the way home I was crying on the freeway and had a flashback of what had just happened and then non-stop flashbacks of the abusive foster women that I had to deal with growing up....

all of this over the top behavior because I had part of my mask off to talk to the bank to pay close to $5000 to an eye clinic that treated me as if that money was not mine...as if I was not the paying patient and was a loser and a free-loader or something...

and no one else got treated like that.....the elderly guy reading his newspaper continued reading his newspaper without his mask on....